(Without Feeling Guilty, Rude, or Misunderstood)

When you receive in-home aged care or disability support, there’s an unspoken pressure to say yea. Yes, to the cleaning, yes to the meal prep, yes to someone standing over you while you shower – even if it makes you feel uncomfortable. But guess what?

You’re allowed to say no.

In fact, saying no to services you don’t want isn’t just your right – it’s an important step in taking control of your care and ageing on your own terms.

This guide will walk you through how to say no with confidence, how to recognise when a “yes” is hurting more than helping, and how to build a plan of care or supports that supports the life you want – not one that boxes you in.

Part 1: Why Saying “No” Matters

Most people receiving aged care or disability support don’t realise they have a choice, The systems are complex, the jargon is confusing, and let’s face it – many providers make you feel like you’re lucky to be getting anything at all. But here’s the truth:

You are the decision-maker in your care and supports.

Services are there to enhance your life, not take it over.

Saying no to what doesn’t serve you means saying yes to what does.

Saying No Is About More Than Services

It’s about boundaries. It’s about respect. It’s about creating a version of care that feels natural, empowering, and useful – not like an awkward performance you’re forced to participate in.

Part 2: The Hidden Signs You’re Saying “Yes” When You Shouldn’t

Sometimes we say yeas without even realising we’re doing it.

Here are a few red flags to watch for:

• You dread your support worker’s visit – not because of the person, but because of the tasks they do.
• You clean the house before the support worker comes to clean (because you feel embarrassed).
• You feel anxious, not relieved, after the support services.
• You’re not using all the hours in your package, but you’re being told you “should” take certain services anyway.
• You’re agreeing to things to avoid being labelled “difficult”.

Spoiler alert: being clear about what you don’t want doesn’t make you difficult – it makes you honest.

Part 3: The Top 7 Services People Regret Saying “Yes” To (And Why)

These services are important – but only if you want them. Here’s where people often wish they’d spoken up.

1. Personal Care (Showering/Dressing Help)

Some clients agree to help with showers when they’re still perfectly capable, just because they feel it’s part of the package.

Your alternative: Opt for safety check-ins or occasional support on your terms.

2. Cleaning Every Room

You may want help with the floors – not someone rearranging your cupboards.

Your Alternative: Ask for specific tasks only, like vacuuming or bathrooms.

3. Meal Prep You Didn’t Ask For

Some people end up with bland meals they wanted in the first place.

Your alternative: Choose your own meals, cook together, or opt for shopping help instead.

4. Too-Frequent Visits

Daily visits might be too much if you’re still independent and value privacy.

Your alternative: Reduce frequency or switch to check-ins by phone.

5. Unwanted Social Outings

Not everyone wants to be dragged to bingo.

Your alternative: Suggest activities that actually interest you – or none at all.

6. Nursing Support You Don’t Need Yet

You may be “offered” services based on age or diagnosis, not ability.

Your alternative: Decline clinical services unless they meet a need.

7. Support Worker Personality Mismatches

You’re allowed to say no to someone who doesn’t respect your space or your don’t have a connection with.

Your alternative: Ask your provider for a change – without guilt.

Part 4: How To Say No Without Burning Bridges

Saying no doesn’t have to feel awkward or combative. Here’s how to handle it gracefully:

1. Use “I” Statements

Say: “I feel more comfortable doing my own laundry,” instead of “You’re not doing it right.”

2. Thank Them – Then Redirect

Say: “Thanks for offering, but I don’t need help with that. What I could really use is…”

3. Be Clear and Specific

Don’t leave room for interpretation. Say: “I’d prefer not to have support with showring at this time.”

4. Have It Written Into Your Care Plan

If it’s in writing, it’s easier to stick to – and easier for your provider to follow.

5. Blame the Budget (if needed)

Say: “I’m trying to make the most of my package by focusing on what helps most.”

Part 5: What You Can Say “Yes” To Instead

Let’s shift the focus to what you do want.

Here are a few services client often overlook – but love once they say yes:

• Support with hobbies or tech (like setting up Zoom calls or online grocery orders)
• Garden help – because pruning roses is therapeutic but hard on the back…
• Transport to visit friends.
• Companionship over tea – not forced activities.
• Admin support – such as help paying bills, reading or writing letters or cards.

You’re not being “fussy.” You’re crafting the lifestyle you want.

Part 6: Saying No When You Have a Home Care Package

If you’re receiving services under the Home Care Package Program or the new Support at Home Program, you have more control than most people think.

Here’s what you need to know:

• Your package belongs to you, not the provider.
• You are under no obligation to accept every service offered.
• You can swap services, change providers, or reallocate hour to suit your goals.
• If you don’t use all your funds, the roll over.

If your provider is pushing services you don’t want, that’s a red flag.

Part 7: What to Do If Your Provider Doesn’t Listen

Even with the best intentions, some providers push back when you decline services, Here’s how to respond:

✅   Step 1: Reiterate your goals

“I’m trying to maintain my independence in these areas – that’s my priority.”

✅    Step 2: Put it in writing

Follow up verbally declined services with an email or note,

✅    Step 3: Ask for a care plan review

This puts everything on the table and invites a more formal update.

✅ Step 4: Use advocacy if needed

Contact the Older Persons Advocacy Network (OPAN) for support.

✅ Step 5: Switch providers (if needed)

If you feel your choices are not being respected, you have the right to move your package elsewhere.

Part 8: Real Talk – Why It’s Hard to Say No (Especially For Some Older Australians)

Many older clients were raised to be polite, accommodating, and avoid “rocking the boat.” Saying no can feel disrespectful or ungrateful.

But here’s the thing:

• This isn’t about manner – it’s about agency.
• You’re not being rude – you’re being self-respecting.
• You’re not ungrateful – you’re asserting your rights.

Every time you say no to something that doesn’t serve you, you make room for something that does.

Part 9: Scripts for Tricky Situations

Here are some easy, non-confrontational phrases you can use:

🚫 If you don’t want a service:

“Thanks, but I’m not comfortable with that right now.”

“I’m still able to do that on my own – I’d like to keep it that way for now.”

🔄 If you want to swap services:

“Could we use that time for [cleaning the bathroom] instead of [vacuuming]?”

“What are the other options available within my package.”

💼 If the provider pushes:

“I appreciate your suggestion, but this is the choice I’m making for my wellbeing.”

Part 10: A Final Word – You’re the Boss of Your Care and Supports

Ageing or living with a disability doesn’t mean giving up autonomy. You are sill the expert in your own life.

Saying no:

• Sets boundaries
• Reinforces your identity

Keeps your support relevant and respectful

Makes room for joy, independence and comfort in the ways that matter to you.

So next time you feel yourself nodding out of habit, pause. Ask yourself:

Is this service really helping me live the life I want?

If the answer is no – say it out loud.

And say it proudly.